NOV.15.2025 12.41 AM: Generalized Feelings As Of Recent
My brain has been feeling a bit muddled with a lot thoughts of social media, and the internet in general. 
None of this will probably make a whole lot of sense by the end or even be relatively close to being grammatically correct but, on we go.
With a lot of myself being vaguely projected closer to the light of what makes big content creators, be it willingly or not, has shown me that most of the recent uproar of the internet thrives on negativity. I say that even writing about all of this is a negative aspect and how I try to not think too deeply about the internet. Doom-scrolling and all that mess.
My perspective is miniscule compared to someone with some substance of really seeing how annoying the internet can treat rewarding bad behavior for entertainment. Though small and petty in-fighting with other randoms on the internet has been around since the beginning of anything with chatting available, I don't really ever recall it being at the rampant spot it is now. Maybe I was just too young and the flash games clouded any judgement I could have about others. I remember browsing some sites for sozai on the wayback machine and seeing random in-fighting with other webmasters. They would steal the art, claim it as their own, use without permission, and had the names and a post about them on their blacklist saying they knew they did it. It didn't seem unwarranted but it did show me that I just probably didn't navigate the internet enough in the social aspect enough.
Reading some other webmaster's manifestos when I started making my Neocities website also changed some perception I had on early internet days. It wasn't full bright and neon with nothing wrong. Egregious pop ups that were just on most websites even if the sites weren't built with malice. They're glorified a bit but advertising that's invasive has been around for quite some time. Now companies have found a way to paywall being rid of them is the gripe most people have. The internet in that infantile state was admirable but had other issues if you were cognitive enough to recognize them.
Not to mention we're in an awful spot with censorship happening globally at an exponential rate simply because cardholder companies believe they have jurisdiction over what their users spend their money on. There are other reasons censorship is happening, of course. It's just the newest on the long list of systemic issues. I've asked a few of my online friends outside of the US to check my website to see if things are alright with it. One from the UK said that imgur, the image hosting site is blocked. I have to host the images locally on Neocities or find an alternative that won't go down in a year. Another friend, from Turkey, told me just today that my chatbox widget is blocked. I'll need an alternative to that as well. (Wow. Gotta change the website. First-world problems, I know)
I'm just feeling so mentally exhausted with these things on my mind while I try to make a sustainable side career in the downfall of the employment rate with my shitty excuse of a resume. I tread on and look to keeping up with what I have and being grateful for the commissions and opportunities given to me. It is what it is kinda shit
AI and critical thinking taking a hit as a whole on the internet. Everything feels so incredibly grim right now and I'm latching onto the smallest and random things.
I might write more here in the future but for now, just this small little blurb. I thought I had more to say but I can't coherently gather my thoughts in any capacity lol...